It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
