OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
