$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
