I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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