Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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