Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
