Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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