If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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