FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
