uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
