Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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