Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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