are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
