before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
