I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
