So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
