i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
