I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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