Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
