Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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