You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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