i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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