OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
