If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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