is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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