and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
