Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
