he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
