Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
