WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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