the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
