ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
