the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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