OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
