there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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