I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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