so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
