Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
