I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How does one acquire holy water?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize