WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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