who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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