PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The Olympian is in my bed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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