Your tits are I can't wait for
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
