I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
