I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize