If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
