Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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