Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The power of my boobs compel you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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