That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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