Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
