i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
porn star boner night. come get it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
