I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
two words...techno handjob
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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