Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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