That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
