You made me cry and you don't even care
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
