the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
