i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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