Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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