do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
