I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
