its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
