the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
