Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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