I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
