FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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