Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
