I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
