my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
