eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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