There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
