We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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