the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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